Tum Mere Ho

Directed by: Tahir Hussain

Starring: Aamir Khan, Juhi Chawla

Released: 1990

Tum Mere Ho is one of the movies trying to ride the wave of popularity which had swept Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla post their not-exactly-debut-film Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak. Both were fresh faces, young, attractive and with notable acting talent, and their pairing was hugely appreciated. No wonder that as soon as the Qayamat fever washed over there were other projects offered to the couple, but sadly none up until Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke in 1993 managed to do justice to anything Aamir and Juhi related – be it their acting or chemistry. Tum Mere Ho is also, at the same time, one of the most bizarre films I´ve seen. Entertaining in a way, but ultimately falling into the category of unintentionally hilarious.

I mean..... what the hell????

The films opens with a ridiculously shot scene which is supposed to be dramatic and mysterious, yet manages only to confuse and provides one of the many WTF moments the film is full of. A shapeshifting magic snakes are nothing new in Indian films, however I´d like to keep thinking that when in human form, they look like Sridevi in Nagina, not like the lady in this film, dressed as if she was ready to attend the new Savage Garden concert. In any case, the story goes as follows: greedy guy kills a snake, believing he´ll get some secret treasure, but only manages to really annoy its mate (the shapeshifter), who, to get even with him, bites his small son. Doctors are hurriedly summoned, but alas! Too late! They proclaim the child for dead and send his body floating in the river (I´m not really familiar with Hindu rituals, but..... aren´t you supposed to burn the dead body and dispers the ashes???). An old man finds the child in the water soon afterwards and unlike doctors, who should apparently immediately go back to medical school, finds out the truth!

Indeed - the kid is alive and kicking. He keeps the boy with him, naming him Shiva, and raises him to be – very conveniently – a snakecharmer and sorcerer who, by wielding an old bone, can control flying skulls and do magic (yes, you heard right). 

I shall have this expression till the end of the film.

One day on a fair the handsome and poor Shiva meet beautiful and rich Paro and love blossoms. Are you expecting the old boring twist of her parents disapproving and that being all? How wrong thou areth! Yes, daddy is not happy, he even hires another totally ridiculously styled magician to kill Shiva with his magic lute, but when that fails, showing that obviously unless the lute would be used to beat the guy to death it´s good for nothing, he has Shiva severely punished and then comes the biggest shock of all – he reveals to his daughter that she is not allowed to love, because she is – a widow! She was married off when three years old, but her husband (of the same age) died after being bitten by the snake few days later. And her parents did what every parent would do. Raised her without ever telling her anything about it until the day her in-laws would come to take her to live with them. Because that, apparently, would not cause the girl any distress. Oh, if only there was a guy bitten by snake as a child nearby..... righ?

Juhi being all pretty of course.....

Devastated Paro does what all Bollywood girls do when they want to protect the guy they love – she totally breaks his heart by telling him she never loved him. He, in return, sings a song about betrayal to her in public, and then they part way, seemingly forever. Many tears and more tears later Shiva finds out Paro actually does love him, and follows her to her in-laws. From there it´s more and more naive and silly and WTF and shapeshifting snake lady makes a ridiculous return only to participate in a ridiculously grand „action“ scene with Aamir vs. flying snakes near the very end. Finally all falls into place (in the story, not for you as a viewer), Shiva is recognized by his parents, and considering the heated scenes he and Paro shared throughout the film (with and without clothes, some serious belly kissing involved – which both rather surprised me), I guess they did not bother with marrying again and..... lived happily ever after.

"Do you want a viper or a rattle snake as a wedding gift?!

"I think I hate you for real."

To be honest, even though I´m not against "magic" in films, this one made me shake my head in a complete disbelief, especially at the beginning, as I was really not expecting it. Unlike Nagina, where the supernatural is presented wonderfully "realistic", here it is anything but convincing. The whole necromancy bit was unnecessary and presented without a bit of mystery or thrill. Juhi was great, second half was her time to shine, at least in whatever she was given by a weak script. Aamir was good too, though most of the second part he spent sitting under a tree playing a lute more then anything else. Seeing them together was of course a pleasure, one just wishes the director would have understood what opportunities he had in his hands. He, however is not the only one we could complain about when it comes to wasting Juhi/Aamir jodi. Except for Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak and Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke none of their films together were good. Pity.

Thanks filmmakers. I wouldn´t have guessed the guy was evil if he wasn´t wearing that skull on his T-shirt.

I liked music, especially the title song, which is rather melodious. However the boys vs. girls dance in the snakecharmer´s village caused another huge WTF moment with all the "violent" slapping throughout. The explanation that „our girls like men who can slap them and control them“ did not go well with my feminist side.

In spite of all I actually felt entertained, so I do not regret spending my time watching the film. All in all - trashily epic. I guess this is one of those films Aamir Khan never talks about.

"Why should I? I never made this film. Go watch Lagaan now."